I recently read an article where a woman suggested for women
to have sex with their husbands every night.
And while I agree with some of the premise behind what she had to say I
disagree with her approach.
This woman suggests that in we need to be more like our
sixteen year old selves, more appreciative for having our sexual partner ready
and willing and right next to us. She
suggests that the excuses of being tired, not feeling sexy or feeling a need
for a husband to prove their love before you enjoy sex with them to be just
that excuses and even the reasons we should be having sex with them every night. In her article she suggests in order for a
woman to feel better about herself the best remedy is sex with her
husband. She then goes one to list 5 reasons
why having sex with your husband EVERY night is the best thing for everyone.
This list includes:
1. Regaining your
femininity by letting your husband remind you that you are a woman. The short
version of this is basically after the kids are put away it’s important to
remember you’re not just a mom, caregiver, etc., you are a woman.
2. If you want a man
treat him like a mine. She says men have three basic needs to be happy; food,
appreciation, and you guessed it sex. Here she suggests that we say thank him
when he gets home from work, make him dinner and let him see you naked. She claims that if you do this you will “be
astounded by what a man will do for a woman that has made him feel loved.”
3. She suggests that having sex every night gives you a
chance to find that boy you fell in love with.
That it gives you a chance to feel all the excitement you felt when you
first met. She says “He is still there.
Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with
and needs his smiling girl.”
4. Sex relieves
stress. So instead of getting mad and
smashing mailboxes have sex it’s a much better option.
5. It is fun! She
suggests we should not be so quick to refuse sex and just enjoy it. “Tell a girl to have sex every night and she
looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A
Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?”
Again while I don’t completely disagree with what she has to
say I think her method of developing these relationships should lie somewhere
other than just the physical. I’m a stay
at home mother of two and like every other woman have self esteem issues with
my new womanly body that is just not the same as my former girlish figure. And while sex does sometimes make me forget
about that for the moment the issue is still there and is something I have deal
with and learn how to appreciate for myself. It is not something that sex will
magically fix. I know that my husband
finds me desirable and I love that he does.
It makes me feel great, special and loved; but saying that sex EVERY
night is going to magically make my marriage better is just plain
ridiculous. And here is why.
1.
1.Regaining your femininity cannot and should not
just happen in the bedroom. Loving
partners don’t just show their love in the bedroom with sex. I bet you didn't marry your husband because
he was great in the sac. There were
other reasons. I bet it was because he could make you laugh, you share common
interests and views, you could and can sit and talk to him for hours, and you
knew that he loved respected you. Not just your body. Why does remembering your femininity need to
happen every night in the bedroom? My
husband makes me feel feminine with compliments and kisses, and even come
hither glances throughout the week among other things. And that is important to me and my family
dynamic. It’s important to me that my
children see that we love each other and enjoy spending time together. It shows
them that real love isn't just about the physical, and shows the partnership
that a marriage truly is.
2. Treat your man like a man and part of that is
not using sex to your advantage. To me
when she says you will be “astounded by what a man will do for a woman that
makes him feel loved,” it sounds like a bargaining tool. Give him some sex and then he’ll work on
something that you've wanted him to do for awhile. Well just as men want us to want to have sex,
I think I can safely say that we want them to want to help with projects and
doing things with the kids going on activities as a family. If they don’t want to do it, it just isn't the same. Just as I’m sure it’s not the same for them when they know we don’t
really want to have sex.
3.
3. I think
it is important to remember what made you fall in love with each other in the
first place. I think it’s great to take
some time every day that is just for the two of you, but I don’t think that
that equates to sex EVERY night. Some
nights it is not just you who is tired your husband can be too, and sometimes
it is nice to connect through your thoughts and feelings, or with massage or by
playing a game together. The important
thing is that you’re taking some time for each other and communicating your
emotions not just being physical to be physical. Not to say that that isn’t part of it but it
is not the ONLY part.
4.
4. As for sex relieving stress, well chemically yes
it does. But that doesn’t mean that you should be using it as your stress
reliever all the time. Sex can be just
like a drug to some and if sex=your stress relief you may have and
addiction. While I don’t think that
there is any problem with blowing off some steam with your partner I don’t
think it is healthy for anyone to avoid getting to the bottom of any emotion or
feeling by using something else as a stimulant.
5. And yes sex is and can be fun, but her premise
of a woman having an orgasm every night is just unrealistic. Women are different than men. A man is pretty much guaranteed an orgasm
with every sexual encounter. Sex feels
good and that’s why they don’t understand why women sometimes just don’t want
to. Well here is a little insight from
this woman. While I know none of us are
the same I can attest to the fact that a woman’s indoor plumbing is a lot more
complex than a man’s outdoor. A man does
two basic things with his; he urinates and he has sex. A woman urinates, has sex, builds a habitat
for life every month (which by the way messes with her emotions and is
sometimes accompanied by unimaginable pain with cramps, even if they are on
forms of birth control that cause them to not have a period.), we house and
grow children, and then deliver those babies from that area. Not to mention due to the pressures of
unrealistic views on women in our society many go to great lengths to make this
area look desirable to you with their grooming habits. And yes I know the point of looking desirable
to you makes you equate that to sex, but that still doesn’t mean we want the
EVERY night expectation. Not every
movement during sex feels great for us.
And some women can’t orgasm at all just by penetration. Not to mention needing some cool down
time. Honestly after an entire day where
you have had children or anyone for that matter requiring your undivided attention,
and after hearing your name a thousand times during the day you need a cool
down period. She says in the article to
give him some appreciation and a little cool down period. Well we as women and mothers need that time
too. Just a little time for ourselves
without anyone needing something from us.
Just a few minutes to ourselves without any expectations and without
feeling guilty about it.
All in all Sex is an outward expression of an inward emotion
and that is what makes it special. If
you loved steak and I cooked it for you every day you wouldn't like it so much
after a while and even grow to resent it.
It’s the same with anything. Even
if you love sex if you had it every night even if/when you didn't want to, it
would lose all meaning. That special and
fun time that it can be would become a chore.
As women we don’t mind taking one for the team now and then because we
know that you might need it and we want to make you happy but if you expect us
to dish it out every night you are dreaming.
We like to keep you guessing to keep you on your toes to surprise you
sometimes. If you knew you were going to have sex every night, guaranteed,
would you want is as much? Would you enjoy it as much? Would the excitement be
there all the time? Well I would guess
no married couple will ever really know the answer to that question, but my
guess would be no. Sex would become
routine and unemotional. It would become
just a part of your daily routine. After
a while I would guess that you would eventually stop having sex all together
because it would just be something that you got tired of. It would become
another thing on the list of daily activities to check off and lose all the
emotions behind it that make it special.
So gents, be happy we don’t give it to you every night. Be happy that we can still surprise you with
a sexy negligee every once and a while.
Be happy that we can still have those crazy nights of passion after the
kids are in bed, because if you got it every day those excitements would be
gone along with all the reasons she suggested in her article for making us want
to have sex every day. It would become monotonous
and ordinary and I don’t think either side wants that. Let your wife remain a mysterious siren when
it comes to the bedroom, let her do it because she loves you and wants to not
because she feels like she has to.
Remember sometimes quality is better than quantity.
