I think as parents we want our kids to learn to do things correctly and act a certain way, but we aren't always willing to let them fail in order to do it. We as parents have to go through that progression (perhaps that's why we don't want them to have to), why wouldn't we realize our children have to do the same thing.
As a mom I want my kids to be self-reliant. I want them to be able to do things on their own, be confident and be able to figure things out for themselves. But am I parenting in a way that promotes that? Am I letting them become who they can be or am I stopping their progression by trying to get them to do it my way?
Parable of the Mop
Example:
I wanted my kids to start helping with the household chores so, we started having them help with different tasks like sweeping, mopping, doing the dishes, and vacuuming. In the teaching stage, I showed them how to use the tools for cleaning properly. Then, told them they were now in charge of their area and that job. I went about doing other chores and when I came back, well the job wasn't done how I would have liked it. Instead of being like this father and thanking them for the work they had done and letting them own their job, I proceeded to say, disappointedly I might add, that they weren't done and pointed out all the things they had missed and then cleaned the floor over myself.
My wise husband pulled me aside and helped me realize that that wasn't helping, and if I wanted them to learn how to do the chores they needed to learn for themselves. After that, I tried to let them do it on their own. When they learned how to clean their bathroom, it was much more like the video of the boy and the lawn. I gave them full ownership. I cleaned it once with them so they understood what needed to be done answered any questions and then handed it over. (It's easier for me because I don't use that bathroom, so it might be cheating a little, but baby steps right)
The first while it was good. They did a good job when Saturday came around working together to get their bathroom clean. Then after a few months, things started to slip. I knew things weren't getting done that should have been, but I let it go. I did remind them every Saturday that they needed to clean their bathroom, but I didn't check it, nothing. Then came the day that Grandma and Grandad were coming. The kid's bathroom is also the guest bathroom that my parents use when they stay with us. The kids were so excited to have their grandparents coming to stay. As we were getting ready for them to arrive I reminded the kids that Grandma and Grandpa would be using their bathroom.
Both got kind of quiet and looked at each other with that "oh crap" face. I asked them if they needed to go get the bathroom ready and they again looked like deer in headlights. Then I smiled and asked if they would like my help. The relief showed on their faces. I knew they understood they hadn't done the job they were charged with, but they also understood that I was still willing to help them. We quickly got to work, my eyes may have had that deer in headlights look a few times while we cleaned, but the lesson it taught them was well worth it. I don't worry about their bathroom anymore, that doesn't mean it always stays clean either, however they understand and take ownership of that part of their duty. They take pride in their work and understand that it's not always going to be easy or fun but that it is their job to make sure it is good.
Teaching our kids how to correctly deal with failure and to understand that failing is just a step in the progression is a lifelong lesson that helps them have a positive mindset and outlook on life. Kids who learn to deal with and overcome failure are strong and creative. They know that though they might not do it right today they can figure out how to do it right tomorrow. That is what I want for my kids, the courage to overcome any obstacle they face and to know that I am there to help them if they need it.
References:
Stephen Covey. (2017) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People GREEN AND CLEAN, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8MylQ_VPUI&t=9s
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