Friday, May 27, 2022

What is My Cellphone Use Teaching my Kids?

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We all know that kids can be overly attached to their phones.  I've heard many, many, parents with a teenager who has a cellphone complained about how they are always on their phone.  So what can you do about it? 

I want to start this off with one simple question that made me really stop and think...

Am I the master of, not the servant to my phone?



I recently read the article "Do You Need to ‘De-Vice’ Your Parenting? Here Are 5 Ways to Get Started" by Tim Rarick from FamilyToday.com. In it, he stresses the need for parents to "put on the metaphorical oxygen masks first before they put them on their children," in regards to cellphone use.  As I've talked about in my last two posts, kids often learn their behaviors from their parents.  This also applies to their cellphone use.  

So the question to you and to me is: What is my cellphone use teaching my kids?

We've all done things we reprimand our kids for.  Hushed our kids when we are on a call. Used a phone to pacify boredom.  Scrolled through Facebook or youtube mindlessly.  Played a game just to zone out and destress for a little bit.  Are these things innately bad?  Not always, however, we need to be mindful of how our individual cellphone use is affecting our ability to parent.  How it is affecting our well-being and how it affects our other relationships. 

 

In the article Rarick asks each parent to ask themselves 5 questions and to answer them honestly:

    1. How often do you use your phone to deal with feelings of stress, boredom, or inadequacy? In other words, how often do you "phone-medicate"?

    2. Do you know how often you look at your phone and is it intentional? In other words, do you personally screen your screen time?"

    3. Do you find being with your children less interesting and exciting than checking Facebook and seeing that red notification indicator? In other words, are you disconnecting from family for artificial connection?

    4. Are people always put before machines at family dinner? In other words, did you know what your kids really want and need at dinner is your attention?

    5. Have you ever noticed your parenting skills decrease as your phone usage increases? In other words, did you know your parenting will be more inconsistent and slapdash the more you use your phone?

Now the key is to answer these honestly. Are there areas you need to work on?  I know I can answer yes to some of these. I also know I'm good at not doing other things on this list.  The truth is that we all are a work in progress, and this cellphone use is part of our daily lives. 



The key is being the Master of your phone and not letting it rule over you.  You can do this with simple things like choosing to not look at your cell phone immediately when you wake up, instead, go to the bathroom, wash your face, do an exercise, or make your bed. Do something before you pull out your phone. 

Set limits for your cellphone use

Set cell phone-free times. Like at dinner, while watching a movie, 1 hour before bed.  These are rules we often set for our kids because we find value in them.  Why not for ourselves? 



Be Mindful

Learn to recognize when you are using your cellphone as a way to handle another emotion.  Are you bored, maybe instead of playing a game on your phone you can play one as a family or with one of your kids?  Are you stressed? Try going for a walk. The point is to find other more healthy ways to deal with those emotions. 



Be Patient

Understand that it is going to take time. Be patient with yourself, but stay consistent as you work on setting boundaries and using your cellphone mindfully with intent. As you set and display healthy boundaries with your cellphone use, your kids will learn from your example.  Your relationship with them will improve and you will find more ways to interact with them because you will be more actively looking for them.


  

A cellphone is a tool, a very good tool we don't know how we lived without, but one that should not rule or dictate what we do and when we do it.  As we come to understand how we use our phones we will be able to set proper boundaries and become masters of our cellphones and build healthier family habits. 

References:
 Rarick, Tim. (2016) Do you Need to De-vice your Parenting? Here are 5 ways to get started. https://www.familytoday.com/family/do-you-need-to-de-vice-your-parenting-here-are-5-ways-to-get-started/

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